Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
