dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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