Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
