shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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