I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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