found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am available for nakedness
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
