I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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