I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
