chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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