I look better un-naked...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
