Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
