What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
