Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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