my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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