I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
