Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize