Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
