Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
