Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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