found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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