you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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