Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Randomize
