If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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