I think my fart just growled at me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
