If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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