I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
