I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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