I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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