I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
