90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
