I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
