East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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