So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
