Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize