Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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