My friends, they love my intelligence
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
