booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
