My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
