dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
