never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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