Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize