You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
