he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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