Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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