I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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