Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
