I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
