Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
