Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
