i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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