I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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