Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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