Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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