These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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