I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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