I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
