Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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