I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
