I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize