Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Too much gin, very little bucket
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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