i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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