You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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