dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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