you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You need Xanax blowdarts
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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