I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
