she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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